Crank Up The First Person Shooters

If you've ever dreamed of being turned off men for the rest of your natural life, or you're just curious to see what goes on in the sub-conscious mind of  the "bottom dwellers" of the male species, a stellar display can be found with an easy click of the mouse.  A killer assortment of these socially inept morons regularly unleash their vulgarity in what can only be called their natural habitat: The Counter-Strike server.

Not being a gamer myself, I was unaware that this collection of douche bags even existed, until spending several evenings sitting next to one of these avid first person shooters, (who, for the record, I wouldn't call a "bottom dweller", he simply lives in a world of gaming). Truly, these men speak more shit than five year olds in a playground sandbox.  Check your head if you happen to fancy ANY guy who revels in this wasteland of losers.  Counter Strike boys are the creme de la creme of geeks you never what to date, let alone have sex with.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Counter-Strike, although multiplayer and interactive, it's a primitive form of online computer game, where the players break into two teams, the 'terrorists' and the 'counter terrorists' then proceed to kill each other until either the other side is eradicated or time runs out.....A simpleton computer game designed for simpleton minds.

To truly appreciate the low level of intellect held by the retards that indulge in this game, you need to have a mic plugged in, that way you won't miss the onslaught of really high tech terms like "Lock 'n Load", "Okay let's Go" and "Fire In The Hole" that are repeated ad nauseam over the voice server as these grown men, who are hiding at home behind their computer screens shoot invisible but lethal bullets from AK-42's at their friends.  If you're lucky enough to be sitting on the same lounge with an extremely passionate CS terrorist, you may even be treated to erratic, jerking movements.  If this is the case, you'll need to get a handle on the game, which trust me isn't that difficult, enabling you know when your coffee should be safely on the table, and not in pre-sip position.  

To add to the mystery of this primitive ritual, all players in the game spout some form of intangible language,  known as leetspeak or Hacker "Sp33k", that cannot be understood by an outside observer. Although by far the most offensive is to have to suffer through the sounds off grown men mouthing off racial slurs such as "You're a nigger", "Fuckin' sicko",  "Do you like, wake-up and have, like, three litres of hummus for breakfast", "Two fuckin' lebs having a go at each other for being lebs" and, the absolute gem "She likes my kebab in and around her mouth".  Sadly you can't make this stuff up, this shit real. 

What most of these guys should really be saying is "1 h4v3 4 5m411 d1ck".
English translation - I have a small dick.